The Zen Cabin

Oh, you have a ‘policy’… Well, I have a policy, too!

God damn.  Holy blistering Hell, I can hardly believe the news this morning!  Iowa fucking RULES!!

I’m sure you’ve probably already heard or read the fan-fucking-tastic news out of my fair state: the Iowa Supreme Court agreed that our gay brothers and sisters have the god-given right to enter into civil contracts with one another and declare their devotion to one another in a publicly acknowledged and legally binding manner.  (That’s really what this boils down to, isn’t it?)  About fucking time, I say.

Amidst all the hoopla and celebration (and some wailing and moaning from the over-churched busy bodies amongst us), you may have missed some of the subtleties that led to this decision, so I’ll give you a quick rundown. (You’ll have to pardon all the legalese in this list, but it’s important to understand how this works.)

• Gays have the right to “work” and earn “incomes” at “jobs”, just like straight people.
• Gays have the right to “purchase” various “products and/or services” from “vendors” and “retailers”, by spending “money” they’ve earned at their respective “jobs”, just like straight people.
• Gays have the right to “drive” devices known as “automobiles” on public thoroughfares, just like straight people.  They can also receive “citations” if they fail to follow the “laws” that govern driving an automobile on said thoroughfares.
• Gays are required to pay “taxes” to the government, based on their “incomes”, just like the lower 99% income bracket of straight people.
• Gays have the right to purchase “real estate” and “dwell” in their “homes”, just like straight people.
• Gays have the right to borrow money from financial institutions knowns as “banks” and are actually required to “pay back” the borrowed money, with an additional amount known as “interest”, or risk losing their “homes” or “automobiles”, just like straight people.  Additionally, their “borrowing” habits are tracked on something called a “credit report”, which can be used to determine their “credit worthiness” for other “loans”, just like straight people.

These are just a few facts that some of you may not be aware of, as they regard our gay neighbors.  And I know some of you may be thinking, “Hey, Rip – it almost sounds like gay folks are allowed to do everything that straight folks are allowed to do!”  Well, thankfully, that is the case, kids. And (again, thankfully), in Iowa and a few other states, “everything” finally means everything.

Congratulations and a hearty Thank You! to the Iowa Supreme Court for recognizing the inherent value of our gay brothers and sisters, both as people and American citizens.  I can only hope the scales fall from the eyes of the legislators in the rest of the nation.

Oh, I left one item off that list, purposefully, because I honestly don’t know the answer, so maybe a legal beagle out there can answer this question for us.  According to the Selective Service System regulations:

Almost all male U.S. citizens, and male aliens living in the U.S., who are 18 through 25, are required to register with Selective Service.

I looked at the exceptions to this policy and didn’t see anything regarding gay men (though I’m sure some people will point to the “moral fitness” phrase and pat their own backs in a moment of smug-ly goodness) so my question is this:  If gay men aren’t allowed to serve in the military – as a mumbled technicality, if not explicitly – should they be required to register with Selective Service? Just something that occurred to me.

I’m a straight guy with a few gay friends and acquaintances, and I couldn’t be happier for those who want to get married.  It’s far beyond time we started treating people as people – there’s no room for second class citizens in this great nation.  And, hey, all you rock ribbed conservatives?  Isn’t this just a great way to piss off the Islamofascists?  Silver linings and all that rot, am I right?

Now get out there and get married, you crazy gay friends o’ mine!  Skol!

Rip -